July 6, 2013

• new profile pic is me at 35.

  i like the picture that had been defaulted for so long. i like it because it's the back of the head of a generic asian girl. i like it because there is no certainty to its identity. i like it more because it was captured in a room where photographs are not allowed in moma. i like it because it wasn't intended, accidental. but mostly because the nameless girl let me hide myself in her for all these years, from my mid-twenties.

  at a certain point in life, a person no longer searches--she runs. if she's lucky, she has a purpose, a destination. if not, she runs regardless cuz she's been hardwired to just run at that certain point in life.

  i think i'm probably going to hit the wall one day, i feel it coming in the far distance. then the assessments will happen--my condition, my appearance, my identity. and perhaps most important, perhaps not--the point of arrival.

  i used to ask people, usually people who were older than me--what is the purpose of their lives. i never got a good answer out of anyone. nothing that satisfied me anyhow. and changed the question to: if you could be anything in the world, what would you be.

  i don't ask anymore. i just run.

  (figuratively, of course. i'm terribly out of shape.)

  • 1:29 am
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